So the last few months have been pretty interesting.  It’s been almost 3 months now.  Not quite.  I’m on my last phase of FTO as of tomorrow.  I go to morning watch (9pm - 7am) and complete the final phase there.  And that’s the shift I’ll be on after FTO.  

    I’ve learned a lot in the last month on evening watch.  Mostly how to handle problems without so much report writing.  And a lot of social skills on interacting with my fellow officers.  Believe it or not, that’s the hardest thing to learn.  Cops are a strange breed.  It really takes some getting used to.  Very abrasive personalities.  But the last few weeks took a good turn.  Earned some respect from some of the guys on my shift.  Did some things that impressed them (I was told through the grapevine) and made a few good cut down jokes that earned me some respect (yes insulting each other gets you further than trying to be nice, if you’re creative and funny).

    So now about the picture to the left.  I get a call last Thursday night.  It’s a "insane person" signal.  The radio traffic went something like this (I am changing our codes into ?? since I don’t need our dept codes publicized)  …

"526 signal ??"
"526"
"526 signal ?? - ### Somewhere Road - Complainant states that a fish came through her wall and is attacking her leg"
"*extreme laughter* 526"
"526 Be advised that there is a lockbox on the door, check your ?? for the code.  The complainant is an elderly woman and cannot get to the door.  Be advised she does have a ?? (code for gun) in the residence"
"10-4"

    So I head on over to the call.  I approach the door and see the lockbox.  I start entering the combination and hear a woman screaming for help inside.  I tell my FTO

"This oughta be good, I’m gonna turn my mic on for this so be warned."

    We enter the residence and see an old woman laying on a hospital style bed.  She’s halfway off the bed reaching between it and the couch.  My first thought is gun.  But I don’t want to draw down on the poor old lady.  She already thinks a fish is attacking her. I don’t want to give her a heart attack and kill her.

    I check between the bed and couch, and it’s just the phone.  Still off the hook from calling 911.  She’s telling me to please help her, that there’s a fish on her leg.  I assure her that there is not a fish on her leg.  She continues on that the fish is there.  I tell her that the walls are cynderblock and there’s not a body of water within miles of her residence.  She still swears a fish came through the wall and is there.

    She has me check under her bed for the fish, and search the room.  I humor her and do it.  I keep telling her that it would be impossible for a fish to come through concrete and into her living room.  And if it did, it would have drown by now anyways.  All the while my FTO is hiding behind the front door from her sight, and making this big open/close mouth fish face at me, trying to make me crack up.

    To make a long story short, I spent 30+ minutes trying to convince this woman that there was no fish.  Finally she told me I was "such a handsome young officer" which gave me some ground to say "Then how about this.  I give you my personal word that there is no fish here and won’t ever be".  This shut her up long enough for me to get out of there.

    When I got back in my car, it took me almost a full minute of giggles to close the call on the radio.  Everytime I’d get ready to key up I’d bust out laughing.  I finally got out …

"526 Code ?? - CT warned the fish" [CT = criminal tresspass]

    Needless to say the dispatchers cracked up on that one.  It was definitely my most interesting call yet.  And I have it all recorded.  Once this tape runs out and I bring it home, I’ll try to digitize it and post it.